Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
