you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
