Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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