Your dad touched me again.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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