i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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