Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We left the knife in your bed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
