Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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