At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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