speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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