Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
