this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
