your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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