You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
