allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
