if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
