I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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