No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
