just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
