I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
