Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
