I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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