Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
