Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
