thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
