Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
