Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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