Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
