I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
