So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
