there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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