I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
