So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
