I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
