similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
