I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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