His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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