after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
