he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
