Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
