if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
