You can't motorboat a personality
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
