it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
