why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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