the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the condom got lost in my hair
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
