so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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