barbara walters just said penis...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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