things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
