Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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