god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This baby is an asshole
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
