the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
