Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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