yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
