I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
