do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
