so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dick very happy bro
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
