It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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