if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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