STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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