it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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