Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
