There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
