Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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