if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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