I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
