Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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