I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I want her autograph on my taint
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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