did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
