clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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