gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
