Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
