i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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