absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
